Tuesday, February 20, 2007
i suppose this is the worst new year i've ever gone thru... totally no new year mood... bz freaked... wanted to dye my hair turned out i didnt have time to even cut. no spring cleaning either. no visiting for me tis year... merely went to both grannies' place for lurch b4 going home to continue with my homework...my god... phoebe is trying so hard to cope... pressure has been eating me up... phoebe knows she is being put to the test... what is happening to me? this isn't phoebe... my lord, father, i pray for the will to carry on lord... sumtimes i ask myself y would i wan to go thru all this when i know i can do so much better in other majors or courses... father i know u yearn to stretch n grow me n draw me nearer to u... i pray to put my trust in you... let not my desire to outshine or rather the desire for fashion be more important than u in my life... i pray to ask for ur will for me in this line to reveal lord... give me a reason to press on... i ask for strength... the strength to undergo n persevere thru all e emotional n mental tencity... yet phoebe wants to sing praise to u father, i know n i'm comforted to know tt u will take care of every little detail in my life... tt wat i'm going thru will not result to zero... but for the transformation of character i used to asked for so much... to make me a woman of god...father u know my soul lord... u promised to give comfort n to lift the burden of the tired n e weary... i pray for u to lift mine too father... i admit it might take one alot to admit n to realise of ur importance in our lives... but thru all this father... only u understand me n can lift me... i only find strength n comfort knowing tt all the dark days i go thru is meant to serve a purpose in your eyes... i need and i wan ur presence in my days lord...heres a small incident tt i wan to share n give praise... jus a couple of days back... on the first day of chinese NY i was feeling so down n discouraged having to be home alone to do my homework while my family hav all went visiting... to make amtters worst, i was having problems with getting my work rite... was trying hard to deal with the stress of it... then i suddenly jus felt like refering it to god's words n to sing praise... in the end i switched on a worshipping cd "into our faith" tt amos passed me... was really touched by god's holy spirit... i found myself tearing in the midsts of doing my work... amazing how he raised my spirits for the rest of the days to say tt its ok to be alone at home cos i met up with god... amos thanks man... u're right... the cd did bless me in various ways n its by god's grace... god is working sumthing in me i know, tts y he wans me to go to cambodia... to see wad a lot of us here in city living do not see, n grow... i know i'll be stronger n more mature in insights n the wisdom for god when i come back... now i pray for god to sustain n watch over me the month i'm away...
